Wait for Me
by shmow-zows
Summary: It's been a year since the Grand Magic Games, a year since Natsu willingly took his own life to save Lucy's future self. She has to get over him, she needs to - if not for herself, than for her friends. NaLu one-shot. Rated T for language, and character death.


Title: Wait for Me

P.O.V.: Lucy Heartfilia

Prompt: Carnival

Date Written: 16 June 2014

"Every time you try to help, you lose a bit of yourself, sacrifice your own well-being for another's happiness. It's masochistic, isn't it, putting others before yourself despite the repercussions? It goes against all of the, "love yourself," bullshit celebrities having been pushing since society realized that industries were based off self-loathing. We do it, nonetheless. We don't know why or how exempting yourself from your own happiness, or chance at life, brings you happiness but it does.

In truth, these acts are selfish. You think you're helping this other person but you'll never understand what the outcome might do to them. And who gives you the fucking right to decide what's best? What if I don't want your help, what if your help makes me feel worse? Which is why I hate him. I hate Natsu Dragneel_", _Lucy scribbled furiously in her journal.

"How is she?"

"She won't even look at me…"

There's a light knock on the door before it opens. "I should probably lock it. It's not like he'll show up unexpectedly anymore," Lucy thought to herself. "Lu?" a soft, tentative voice coos. It's Levy. She doesn't even have to look up from her lap to know it's Levy. "Lucy… how're you feeling?"

She doesn't respond. Levy smells of lavender today. Lavender, and iron. Gajeel must be waiting outside for her with Erza. It's a good thing, too. Gajeel has never been one to respond properly to emotions.

Levy's sandals click softly as she makes her way from the door to the blonde's desk: close enough to the bed so as to not impose, but far enough to let Lucy know that her sadness is off putting. It's not a bad thing, though. She's the first person to actually give Lucy the space she desired. Everyone else had rushed in, and cradled her like she was some child that had lost their toy, or puppy.

She clears her throat, "well, the carnival's today! Remember the Lantern Floating Carnival? It's today and I'm actually going to force Gajeel into dancing with me for the contest this time! I've already worked the plan out and I need your help: I've conjured tiny little 'irons', see! Look how cute! Anyway, they're all stuffed in this classic red, and white popcorn bucket - I tried using magic paper but it didn't work as well as I wanted it to work. So I'll give him those once we get to the carnival - to put him in a good mood - and once Gajeel has eaten, we'll make our way over to the petting zoo! He's never seen a goat before, oddly enough. So I'm hoping that'll make him even happier! I'll probably let him play for a couple of prizes so he feels 'manly', or whatever, and then, right before the contest starts, I'm going to lead him to the center of the dance floor! He'll have no choice, but to dance!"

She laughed a little, "I don't think that's going to work."

"Why not," Levy whined playfully, tiptoeing closer to the bed. "You know Gajeel'll just walk off, or figure it out beforehand."

Lucy looked at her now, unable to resist seeing her friend's pursed lips, and hazel eyes deep in contemplation. "You're right," Levy sighed, plopping down next to the blonde on the bed. The blue-haired mage leaned back, resting on her elbows, and stared at the ceiling "what should I do then?! I really want to dance with him! It looked so fun when you, and Natsu—"

The weight on her chest returned. It crushed my heart, held it in a grip so tight she went numb. Lucy bit down on my tongue to keep herself from crying. "Oh god… Lucy… I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to—"

"It's fine…"

"No it's no—"

"Levy, I said it's fine."

That came out a lot harsher than she meant. Levy looked away nervously, fiddling with the hem of her orange dress, "it was hard on all of us, Lu, losing him…we loved him, too."

Her delicate hands tightened around the orange fabric, bunching, and creasing it all up. Tiny specks of water glistened on her knees. She was crying.

"Levy.."

She jumped out of her seat, and whirled around to face Lucy. She had never seen her friend this angry: "No, you don't get to act this way! You don't get to stayed locked up in this room for days, not eating, not speaking to anyone! It's impacted us all, Lucy, Natsu's death hurt us all so much more than you'll ever know and it's not fair of you to sit around moping, and acting as if you were the only one that cared about him! I get that you two were in love, but gods above, all you're doing is reminding us that he's gone because all we do is worry about you! NONE of us have been able to move on, or at least heal a little! You keep thinking that hiding in your room, hiding your sadness is going to make us happier but it doesn't! You're so unbelievably selfish!"

Levy rant had left Lucy breathless. Levy never yelled, not once. She let out one last sob before sprinting out of the house.

Silence.

The blonde began to weep. She had been selfish, and hated herself for it. Her chest burned, her head felt like it was going to explode. Lucy wanted to rip her hair out, wanted to rip this aching muscle from her breast, the same breast that had been kissed so many times by a pink-haired idiot. She was falling apart, being split in two by this hopeless, asphyxiating sadness that had replaced all of that love, and foolishness Natsu had given her. Her body grew tense, restless, but refused to move. If she emerged from this curled position that they had laid in so many times before, her seams would finally burst. Lucy wouldn't have anything more to hang on to except the painfully joyous memories of his warmth. Oh, how she longed for that warmth, for the strength behind the warmth, and never-ending support, and happiness that stemmed from that warmth. His warmth - Natsu's warmth.

"NATSU," she screamed, "NATSU, NATSU, NATSU!"

Lucy rose from the bed, and began to pull at her hair. She needed to walk around, she couldn't take this. The pile of paper stacked neatly upon her desk caught her attention. She stormed over to it, and swept the loose pages of her novel from the desk, the novel he had helped her write. Then Lucy couldn't help but crumple. Slowly, her body lowered itself onto the floor. The anger had subsided and all she was left with was emptiness. "Natsu," the celestial mage whispered again. Gods, she was exhausted. Her chest rose, and fell with each staggered breath she took. "Natsu…"

-x-

"Gajeel, PLEEEEEEAAASEEE!"

"Nah, Blue, I ain't gonna dance with ya. It's embarrassing and I can't dane tuh begin with."

Levy had changed out of her orange ensemble into a stunning blue floral yukata. Her hair had been tucked back into an elegant top bun, and decorated with tiny orange flowers. The classic strappy burnt sandals had been replaced by dark getas garnished with the same precious flowers that littered her head. She seemed to glow with the way the warm, setting sun showered her in golden light.

"Well, fine, I don't want to dance with you anyway!" she proclaimed, turning away from the studded dragon slayer.

They had been arguing in front of the guild's entrance while waiting for everyone else to arrive. She turned away from him, and crossed her arms. "Wait, what do ya mean ya don't wanna dance with me - of course ya do!"

"Nope! It's too late! I'm not dancing."

"Yeah, we are," Gajeel insisted before picking the tiny fairy up, and cradling her in his arms. She giggled as he spun around, "okay, okay, we can dance!"

"Good," the man smirked. Levy's hands caressed his face. "I love you," she whispered, smile still plastered on her fair face as their foreheads touched, "I love ya, too, Blue."

Lucy's stomach churned upon witnessing the scene. It hurt to breathe again. "Lucy?"

The blonde smiled politely, and approached the pair. Gajeel gently lowered the fairy. "I'm, um, going tug go look fer, uh, Laxus."

He kissed Levy on her head, and then retreated inside the guild. "You're… you're here."

"Yeah.. I'm here…"

Silence.

"Lu… I'm so sorry about—"

"No, don't apologize. You were right about everything."

"But I—"

"Levy, stop."

She looked embarrassed, moving a loose strand of hair away from her face. "I'm sorry," Lucy whispered, looking down at the ground in shame. Arms suddenly wrapped around her neck, "It's okay, Luce, it's okay…"

It felt weird, touching another human being again but Lucy's heart swelled nonetheless. She began to sob into Levy's shoulder, drawing the blue-haired girl's center closer to Lucy's own in an effort to keep the feeling of comfort alive.

Levy giggled as she pulled away from the embrace, "now my makeup is all ruined!"

And so Lucy laughed for the first time in weeks. She laughed at Levy's smudged eyeliner, at the rings Levy's wet mascara left around her eyes, at the cool breeze, at the fact that Lucy was wearing gray sweatpants, and laughed at the sadness that so readily evaporated into the darkening summer sky.

"It doesn't that look THAT bad, does it?" Levy smiled.

"N-no," Lucy managed to say between giggles, "it's n-not! I'm just… I missed you."

"LUCY! For the love of the gods, you cannot go to the carnival looking like this!"

-x-

She lent Lucy a soft pink yukata, despite the fact that it was entirely too small, and fell right past the blonde's knee. "It'll have to do for now," the fairy shrugged while adorning her friend's hair with small cherry blossoms. "These change color too, you know," Levy chirped, "got them from an adorable boutique last time we went on a mission in Hargeon, and yes, that was before Natsu destroyed the entire port. There. All finished."

Lucy stood to face the mirror. "I bet he's going crazy about you right now."

"Yeah, he and I both."

-x-

It had been a while since Lucy had seen Magnolia this festive.

Paper lanterns were strung above each striped booth and each striped booth was filled with paper lanterns for people to buy. Everything smelled of sugar, and cinnamon. Children ran around, cotton candy in hand, trying to escape their parents' scoldings for eating too much.

"Gajeel, look!"

"Nuh-uh, we're not goin' on that spinnin' thing!"

"But carousels are supposed to be romantic, and fun! Right, Lucy?!"

"Um, yeah.."

Gajeel glared. Was his face already turning blue? "Fine," he grumbled, before allowing his tiny companion to lead him to the sparkling ride. "Come on, Luce," Levy shouted.

"_Lucy, you said you wanted tonight to be romantic, so come on," Natsu begged._

_ "__No! You're just going to get sick and then we won't be able to get you off the ride!"_

_ "__Oh well," he cried, and threw me over his shoulder. The pink-haired boy dashed over to the carousel, knocking people over as he flew past them. He strapped me onto a green seahorse with blue reigns, grinned that stupid grin of his, and then proceeded to mount the purple seal next to me. Before I could protest, the carousel began to spin. I couldn't help but giggle at his stoic state - he was trying so hard to keep himself together. But Natsu's face gradually turned to match the color of his seal, as it always does, and I laughed until my abdomen begged me to stop. The ride went on for about three minutes, and it took four different wizards to detach Natsu from the poor sea creature. _

_ "__I told you it wouldn't work out," I giggled, pressing a wet towel onto his forehead. We had carried him over to a bench between the cotton candy stand, and a game of ring toss. He laid on my lap, now more of a light blue than dark purple, and groaned. I laughed at him again, "you're an idiot." _

Lucy couldn't help but smile at the memory. He had been so determined to please her that night. She still had the orange dragon plush he won for her at a game of ring toss (after nine tries, but he'd always lie and say it was after two). He wouldn't give up, and he didn't give up, not even after being struck by Rogue's attack on Lucy's present self back during the games. He had been so selfish, then, choosing what he thought was best without thinking about how she would go on after he died. "You stupid, stupid hot-head," she sobbed into her hands.

"Lucy?"

Lucy hadn't even noticed Levy's return. How long had she been sitting at the same bench Natsu had laid down on last year? When did she even get here?

Levy stood in front of the blonde, hands behind her back, and concern riddling her little face. "Where's Gajeel," Lucy sniffed.

"We put him over by the river so we won't have to carry him over there when it's time to let the lanterns go," she rolled her eyes. "Which reminds me," Levy drew a cream colored lantern from behind her, and presented her friend with a black marker. "Make it a happy message okay?" she winked, and skipped towards the river bank.

Lucy looked down at her lantern, and realized that she would have three people to write to this year: her mother, her father, and Natsu. Technically the lanterns were only supposed to be dedicated to family members, but Natsu… Natsu had been so much more than that, meant so much more to her than anyone else.

She looked at the people setting their lit lanterns afloat. Gajeel and Levy were holding hands, Levy's head on Gajeel's shoulder.

"Natsu," Lucy wrote, "wait for me, okay? Wait for me among the stars above the guild. I'll be the blonde in a white shirt, and blue skirt. Try not to destroy too much in the meantime. I'll see you soon. I love you."

She rose from the bench, kissed the lantern, and released it into the warm summer sky, hoping that this kiss would reach him safely. Lucy smiled to herself. _Who am I kidding, the heavens are probably already wrecked. _

The blonde looked at her friend one more time, then began to make her way back home, all the while staring up at the sky. _I'll see you soon. _


End file.
